


Amour Et Amitié

by doctormctiddy



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends, Friends to Enemies, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda but not really, Maybe - Freeform, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Platonic Relationships, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, and then, is that even a thing?, its requited you both are just stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29956605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctormctiddy/pseuds/doctormctiddy
Summary: Your ex friend and now enemy (kinda) walks in on you having a breakdown during a bad mental health day, wyd?
Relationships: Spy (Team Fortress 2)/Reader, Spy (Team Fortress 2)/You
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	Amour Et Amitié

**Author's Note:**

> I know I tagged it friends to enemies but I wanted to clarify that the dynamic is not in an “I hate you” way but more of an “you broke the trust we had and I can no longer be close to you like I used to so I will now distance myself from you and lash out in rage from my bottled up feelings of hurt.” On one side and the other side is more of an “I value you as a person and I would hate me too in your shoes so I will distance myself from you and bottle up my feelings of caring about you while pretending we were never close as we used to be.” If that makes any sense?

Thoughts overwhelm you, stuffing you into a container slowly filled with water until you can’t breathe. 

“There’s no reason for me to be here. No one ever even sees me anymore. So there’s no reason left for me to live.”

A choking nose engulfs the room you currently occupy, curled up into a fetal position on the plush carpet, feigning a false sense of temporary security and comfort in your own arms; it takes a moment to realize the choking gasps are emitting from your own mouth, one hand threaded into your hair, an iron grip on the roots, and the other cupping your mouth and nose in a desperate attempt to hold back the noises of your despair and rivets of snot mixed with tears.

Waiting for false happiness.

You’re stuck in a loop of your past: unkind words harshly spoken, neglect, unwanted touches, unwanted advances, memories that slice into your stomach and harshly dig into your heart, hollow eyes facing back at you in a gleaming reflection that is unrecognizable; the harsh pound of your flesh onto the surface sending shards of glass levitating in the air. The ache for a handshake of carbon monoxide.

Nothing could silence the hiccupping sob that tore through your throat, fingernails painfully digging into your mouth as you desperately attempt to breathe properly through your now clogged nose and mouth covered in a combination of tears and thickened saliva. Maybe it was the distraction of your muffled sobs, maybe it was the sea of your thoughts beating against you in powerful waves, maybe it was his natural stealth, or maybe it was the way he lightly and elegantly carried his footsteps. However,

You had failed to notice him.

Gentle leather clad hands carefully reach down to release your own from their painful grip on your face and hair, bringing them together and engulfing them into his own larger ones. You don’t need to look up to recognize who had interrupted your vulnerable moment, you grew to know the feeling of expensive gloves and the smell of leather, much like you grew to know the back of your own hand. 

“Go away spy.” You weakly choke out.

He doesn’t move.

Months of built up and repressed anger towards the man simmer to your surface, festering into a bile of rage. He was not your friend anymore. He didn’t care about you, or anyone other than himself for that matter. Cruel and selfish to the end, right? You ball your hands, still engulfed in his own, into tight fists that leave painful crescent shaped indents from your nails before hastily ripping them out of his grasp, opting to cradle them into your chest, shielding yourself from him and the hurt he brings up from inside you. 

“I said go away Spy!” You yell out, voice dissolving in a fit of hiccups and sobs, falling forward from the force and exhaustion of your physical and mental turmoil.

Gentle pressure finds its way to your shoulders and the small of your back before your face is squished into his silk jacket, cologne familiar and comforting, much to your dismay. You desperately attempt to push, shove, and claw your way out of his embrace but his grasp remains firm. You ball your fists into his jacket.

“I hate you,” you choke out through your sobs.

“I know,” he states simply.

“You hurt me.” You feebly break out in a croak.

He stiffens around you, hand that was previously on your shoulder now rising to stroke your hair.

“...I know.” 

You stop fighting and he holds you securely, rubbing circles into the small of your back as your body wracks with sobs. Your hands gripping desperately onto his back as if he were a lifeline keeping you afloat, in a sense he was, you suppose.

“You’re not a bad person. You’ve been through a lot, many traumatic experiences and yet you are still here.” Fingers gently soothe your scalp, “Your past does not define who you are as a person today. I know I do not show it, but I am very proud of you, and I cannot imagine living a life without you in it ma meilleure amie.”

Your sobbing hiccups gradually dissipate, white noise from your bedside fan being the only sound in the room now as the two of you remain curled in a tight embrace that will not dissolve anytime soon. A sudden realization hits you.

“I’m sorry Spy.” Your voice is hoarse.

“Hm?” He looks down at you, one eyebrow quipped in a vaguely confused expression.

“I ruined your suit, it’s got my snot covered all over it now.” You can’t help but to break off in light laughter that quickly transforms into a harsh cough.

He rolls his eyes and sighs in an over dramatic and exasperated way while looking down at your puffy and tear stained face. Taking in the sight of the crooked, goofy smile now plastered upon your face before removing his hands from their previous position to warmly cup your cheeks, swiping his thumbs across the underside of your eyes to brush away the remnants of your sorrow. He suddenly leans down to you, and places a soft kiss on your forehead before repositioning his hands back to their original spot for his hold on you, gently pushing the hand threaded into your hair down so your entire face is nuzzled into the crook of his neck. 

“Everything will be fine mon chéri. You are upset, but you are only upset for now. I know it does not appear that way currently, but you will not feel trapped forever.” 

Spy shifts his weight to pull you closer to him, his chin now resting on the top of your head. The weight of the past few hours comes rushing towards you at once, and you barely register the feeling of your eyelids closing before you’re engulfed into comforting darkness. When you awake the next morning Spy is no longer there, but you’ve been tucked under your bed covers, your hands hugging your favorite comfort item close to you, a glass of water and some ibuprofen now sit on the nightstand next to your bed. 

It’s okay to forgive yourself.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to leave the reason that the friendship between you and spy ended up to your own interpretation, I feel like it's more fun that way! Personally when I was writing it I envisioned the reason being the whole deal between him and Scout as the reason why the friendship ended, mainly because I would actually be quite good friends with Scout! Knowing that a close friend of mine walked out and left his lover to raise their child alone would absolutely crush me and break my trust for them at the time. I don't think I could be content with that friendship knowing how much Scout's mother struggled to raise him along with eight siblings as a single mom and how growing up with an absent father affected Scout mentally.


End file.
